Happy September! Well… almost.
Wow, what a year this has been for me. I mean that in both a good and a bad way. Let’s talk!
This year didn’t start out so great for me. I was really struggling with depression while trying to raise a 2 year old. I felt like for every step forward, I took ten steps backwards. It was the worst bout of depression I’d dealt with in a very, very long time. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to get myself out of it, and was thinking of trying counseling because I’ve been on anti-depressants before and they’re just not for me.
And then my husband and I got some surprising news… we were expecting our second child! I struggled with that news, having been dealing with this awful depression and not really being sure I wanted more children other than our two year old daughter. I did A LOT of soul searching, journaling, and took tons of personal time for myself to really figure my stuff out. I wasn’t reading, I wasn’t writing, I wasn’t living – I was just existing. And that was really tough for me. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, or go out anywhere and it was an extremely tough time for me.
Once winter broke and the weather started getting nicer and my husband and I found out we were expecting a baby boy, things started looking up for me. We found a house that we loved – and bought it! My depression lifted, and things were really starting to get better. Now it’s the end of August, I’m 34.5 weeks pregnant, we have a new house, I’ve been reading tons, and I’m happier than I’ve been in months! I want to be open and honest with you guys because I know I’m not the only one who struggles with depression and anxiety. It’s a large part of my life that I have to actively work on daily to keep ahead of it, or I get swallowed whole. It takes me away from the things that make me happy – reading, and writing – it forces me into this role that I have to pretend to be myself, when I feel anything BUT like ME. I’ve mastered hiding my depression so well that my husband didn’t even believe me when I said I’d been struggling for months. I need to start learning to open up, and not bottle things in. Had I been open with people, would I have been so far under? Maybe, but I think what’s important is to recognize the signs and address them immediately, before you do get pulled under.
I’ve been most active on Goodreads and Instagram when it comes to my book life. I haven’t been writing full reviews or posting on here because I feel like I just can’t write decent reviews to save my life. I also haven’t made time to do it. I’d love to use this blog again, and post regularly. With baby boy due on October 8th I cannot say that will definitely happen but I will try. For now, if you’d like to keep up with me please follow me on:
Much love to all!